The younger Sharlene didn’t sit still. If there was something to be done, I did it. If it was on my mind, I wanted it done so I could move on to the next thing. I never really felt guilty about sitting down, but I certainly didn’t place much value on “me” time.
I gave. And gave. And gave. Until I was tired. I was always busy doing something.
Even when I would say, “I’m just going to sit down for a while,” I usually wouldn’t last very long before I found something else to do. There was always something. The house. The children. Friends. Family. Work. Life.
And then life changed. My children grew up and have their own lives. My husband is retired and has become the house husband, which has taken some of the household chores off my plate. But I didn’t suddenly find myself with lots of spare time. I’ve just had to learn to readjust my time around a different life.
And I’m still working a lot. Probably more than I should, if we’re being honest. I work 60-plus hours a week, but the funny thing is, I don’t really think of it as work. I adore what I do. I love being creative. I love teaching. I love helping people. I love the people I get to spend my days with.
So it isn’t that I need time away because I don’t enjoy what I’m doing. It’s actually the opposite.
I love it so much that I’ve had to learn that I still need to step away from it. I need some quiet. I need space to clear the clutter out of my head. I need time for the inner me to come out and play.
I’ve only really understood this recently. There was a point when my cup was dry as a bone. And when my cup is empty, I’m empty. That’s when I realised that sitting still wasn’t something I should do if I happened to have time.
It was something I needed to make time for. My version of sitting still probably doesn’t look like sitting quietly with my eyes closed for an hour. I’m not very good at that!
My morning coffee and crossword are a little ritual to wake my brain up. Watching a show is usually how I wind down.
Sometimes I’ll sit and look out the window for a while, especially when I need to calm my mind and refocus on whatever I’m doing. And my studio has become a calming space for me. It centres me.
I don’t necessarily switch my brain off when I’m sitting still. Actually, I don’t think I switch it off very often at all.
I think. I process. Ideas pop in. Sometimes I mentally work through things that have been sitting in the background. And sometimes I simply allow myself to be quiet. It’s in those quiet moments that I feel like my intuition reconnects. I can let the inner me come out and play a little.
I suppose you could say it’s centering myself again. I used to say, “I’m just going to sit down for a while,” and then get straight back up and do something. Now I’m much more likely to actually stay there. And that’s a big change for me.
I’m still learning, though. If I have deadlines looming or things that need to be done, there is still a part of me that wants to get up and do them. But I’m learning that they’ll still be there when I’m ready. The world won’t fall apart because I sat down for half an hour.
In fact, I’ve discovered something quite the opposite. When I give myself some quiet time, I often find the time to do so much more. My head is clearer. I can think more creatively. I have more patience.
I feel more like myself. And when I come back to what needs doing, I can actually do it. I think that’s the part I didn’t understand when I was younger. I thought giving everything I had was the way to look after everything and everyone. I didn’t realise that I was part of that equation too.
I needed looking after. Not in a dramatic way. Just in small, ordinary ways. A coffee. A crossword. An episode of a show. A little time sitting in my studio. A quiet moment looking out the window. A few minutes where nobody needs anything from me. That’s my “me time” now.
It’s not about doing nothing. It’s about having a quiet headspace. It’s about clearing some of the clutter, recentring and regrouping. It’s about making room for the creative part of me to breathe. And perhaps that’s what sitting still really is for me.
Not stopping. Not wasting time. Just pausing long enough to come back to myself. I’ve finally realised that sitting still isn’t wasting time. It’s time to recentre and regroup.
And when I give myself that time, I find I have so much more to give afterwards. Maybe the younger Sharlene wasn’t wrong for always being busy.
She just hadn’t learnt yet that sometimes the best thing you can do… is sit down.